Things a Prine fan will do this Labor Day holiday weekend:
by gooseheadpeach
10: Smile for the lack of something else to do.
9: Shuck some corn and grin.
8: Have a few Flashback blues while listening
to Prine.
7: Use my Angel From Montgomery Prine
Flyswatter
6: Nibble on a chicken leg and tell stories way
through the night
5: Share some things, have some fun, and carve
your name in a tree.
4: Go let God out of the basement.
3: Drink beer like it's oxygen, sit on a
rainbow, and howl at the moon.
2: Fish and Whistle
1: Take the time to sit down and listen to the
words of a John Prine song.
(you thought It was going to say 'put on an illegal
smile, didn't you?) LOOK There's
70 more
Martha Stewart's etiquette rules for Prine Fans:
by Leonard Hogg
10: You may only go to the refrigerator for
another beer between songs.
9: You may unplug your phone when listening to
John.
8: John's music is considered acceptable for
any social occasion.
7: Do not sing along at a Prine concert so
loudly as to drown out John unless asked to by John.
6: Be very polite to other John Prine fans.
5: John Prine hats and t-shirts may be worn
anywhere.
4: Photographs, posters and ticket stubs are
valued artwork.
3: Never sing "Illegal Smile" in a
police station.
2: When trying to obtain a John Prine CD you
lent a friend do not threaten their wife and children.
1: Never strike someone for asking, "John
who?"
Autographs on John Prine's cast #2...
by Jim S and PMS*red
10: "Feelin' kind of bony?" Marconi
9: "Underneath your breath you know I heard you cussin'" Jackie
O
8: "It WAS a long drop, you should of looked out below" written
in a bruised orange color
7: "Well there must be somethin' somewhere that makes you want to
hurt yourself" Mr. and Mrs. Hyde
6: "Aggravating, isn't it?" Lulu Walls
5: "You're lucky you weren't naked and bare too" Torch Singer
4: "Looks like lampost bulbs aren't the only thing that broke"
John Garfield
3: "I'm bringing you home an automated bird feeder made by
Martians" Linda
2: "You shouldn't have shot that doctor last night on the
airplane" Maureen, Maureen
1: "Next time, YOU feed the elephant and I'LL feed the birds"
Sabu
AUTOGRAPHS ON JOHN PRINE'S CAST...
by Leonard Hogg, Jim S, Ralph Hale and PMS*red
10: "Good thing all your friends turned out to be insurance
salesmen" Judge Hoffman
9: "Things could be worse" Mrs. Tom Walker
8: "Your elbow's broke and I'll bet gettin' up was real
hard!" Barbara Lewis Hare Krishna Beauregard
7: "Be careful of what you wish for, was it knockin' knees that
made you fall?" Big Old Goofy Girl
6: "Looks like your elbow gave way to the ground below" James
Dean
5: "Take your hand out of your pocket for better balance next
time" Lucky LaRue
4: "Here, take back your arms" Venus de Milo
3: "You may be low on moral, but you're high on
painkillers" Sabu
2: "Next time get level, Johnny" Grandpa
and of course the #1 cast autograph would be: (Father
forgive us)
1: "You didn't need this sh*t" Jesus
SONG TITLE CHANGES THAT JOHN PRINE WILL SING A CAPPELLA FOR
THE NEXT FEW WEEKS:
by the webmistress
10: A Not So Good Time
9: The Accident (Things Got Worse)
8: Bruised Elbow (Pain and Sorrow)
7: Crooked Piece Of Ground
6: New Pain
5 : Somewhere Someone's Falling
4: Everything Is Not Cool
3: Take a Look at My Arm
2: Speed Of The Sound of Boneliness
1: The Great John Prine Blues
TOP TEN TRAVEL ADVENTURES WITH JOHN PRINE:
by Martin Adams (MA)
10. Not going too far in a beat up old car.
9.
Going to Maine on a forty foot crane.
8.
Driving rocket ships in the future.
7.
Flying from Milwaukee to Waikiki
6.
Taking a slow boat to China
5.
Leaving on a new train.
4.
Renting a car at the Erie Canal.
3.
Cruising with happy dancing sailors on a sinking ship.
2.
Driving my automobile all around the world (and holding it till we get
there)
1.
Traveling to Muhlenberg County to the abandoned old prison down by
Adrie Hill.
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WAYS THEY KNOW YOU'RE A JOHNNY JUNKIE
by Thomas Gonzalez
10. You spend all your time on the 'net at
the Prine Shrine.
9. You're severely upset the skips & static aren't on the CD versions of your favorite Prine
albums
8. You plan your ONE lousy paid vacation around
the tourist season of Paradise, KY
7. You name your children Donald and Lydia
6. You have to explain to the cops it
isn't considered stalking if you only do it on your days off
5. At Bluegrass festivals, you need to educate
everyone on the REAL writer of Paradise (IT WAS NOT BILL
MONROE!!)
4. If it ain't front rows, I ain't a goin!
3. You'r local radio station has served you
with a restraining order. (Hey, I left my discs at home,
& I was at work!)
2. You are unashamed to wear your Lost Dogs T
shirt to your brother's wedding
1.Your kids have to go to community college,
cuz you found some cool Prine collectibles on ebay!
THINGS PRINE FANS SAY WHILE MAKING
LOVE:
by Jennifer Cauldwell
10. Can I go all the way with you?
9. I'm just tryin' to have me some fun.
8. Exactly-odo, Quasi Modo.
7. MARIE! (this of course only works with a woman named
Marie...most women not named Marie might get a tad upset)
6. Leave the light on.
5. Oh my stars!
4. Kicka pooka moka wa wahini.
3. Now THIS is Paradise!
2. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
1. Oh Boy!!!
THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A TRUE BLUE PRINESTER
SAY:
by Leonard Hogg
10: I'd rather go visit your mom than go to that Prine concert.
9: Who reads Dear Abby?
8: After this Prine CD is over put on Abba...
7: I don't have a turntable any more, I'll throw out these old
Prine albums.
6: Answer the door, and let the Fuller Brush man in...
5: I don't want a ride in a chartreuse 4 door Lincoln.
4: You've never heard of John Prine? Well OK.
3: It's a half an inch of water.
2: What's an illegal smile?
1: I have no idea what blood looks like in a black and white
video.
6/26
PRINE FAN FOODS:
by: Leonard Hogg and Kathryn Carroll
10. Honey, honey, honey
9. Boneless breast and a crispy thigh
8. Mashed potatoes holding gravy like a fishing hole.
7. Sour grapes
6. Coconut on my tiki
5. Bruised orange
4. Turkey and pistol carved out of wood.
3. 4 Italian sausages
2. Picnic in the rain after a prairie fire
1. Post Toasties and a quart of beer
PRINE COVERS WE'D LIKE TO SEE
by Tom Doig
10:
Steven Hawkins - That's The Way That The World Goes Round
9: Dean Martin - How Much Tequila Did I Drink Last Night
8: Ellen Degeneres - My Woman
7: Robert Downey Jr - Christmas In Prison
6: Saddam Husein - Ain't Hurtin Nobody
5: John Wayne Bobbit - I Love You So Much It Hurts
4: David Letterman - Take a Look At My Heart
3: Bill Clinton - Big Fat Love
2: Jesse Jackson - The Accident (Things Could Be Worse)
1: Governor of California - Leave The Lights On 6/6
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THINGS SOME PRINE FANS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO:
mostly by Kathryn
Carroll and a little bit PMS*red
10. Get paid 50 cents an hour
9. Scrub a parking lot down on their knees
8. Limbo dance in pairs
7. Lose their marbles at a baseball game
6. Make love from 10 miles away
5. Get the electric chair for a phony rap
4. Beat their old lady with a rubber hose
3. Come home curly
2. Sniff undies
1. Waka waka nuka licka!
BUMPER STICKERS FOUND ON A PRINE FAN'S CAR:
by Debbie krrazi41
10. Daddy's Little Pumpkin
9. Quit Hollerin' At Me!
8. Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven
Anymore
7. Kiss A Little Baby...Give The World A Smile
6. Please Don't Bury Me
5. Same Thing Happened To Me
4. Onomatopoeia
3. Everything Is Cool
2. Hello In There
1. I Got Kicked Off Of Noahs' Ark
THINGS A PRINE FAN HAS ON HIS KNICK-KNACK SHELF:
by Tim Strange
10 Copy of the 6 O'clock news.
9 A saddle that was left in the rain.
8 The words engraved "God Bless This
Kitchen".
7 An old broken bottle that looks like a
diamond ring.
6 Bowl of Oatmeal
5 Plans for the Spanish Pipe dream.
4 Picture of the late Sam Stone.
3 Ticket stub for Peabody's coal train.
2 Pocket rocks and shoe dirt.
1 A Will because no Prine fan wants to be buried in the cold
cold ground.
THINGS A PRINE FAN SEES ON A RORSCHACH
(ink blot) TEST
by
10 A forty foot crane
9 Shaved heads
8 A blown-up T.V.
7 A level-headed dancer
6 Some hollow ancient eyes
5 Post Toasties & a quart of beer
4 A popped balloon
3 A blue umbrella
2 an Illegal Smile
1 S H A D O W S ! ! !
REASONS WHY WE'VE BEEN JOHN PRINE FANS FOR 30 YEARS
10 'Cause
somewhere someone's falling in love.
9 He'll run stark naked
and live in and old oak tree.
8 He has gotten
his hair drunk.
7 He makes them
pubescents all wet their pants
6 All that static in
his attic is getting ready to blow.
5 He's a
songwriter, a professional dreamer, mostly a singer but sometimes a screamer.
4 We just love a
good Bad Boy.
3
Because there was plenty of food in the backseat
2 We're waiting to see what Linda's bringing back from Mars.
1 Gotta love a
man with rug burns.
PRINE LINES TO LIVE BY
by the Peotic Prine Clan
10 Pity's a crime and it ain't worth a dime to a person who's really in
need, just treat 'em the same as you would your own name, next time that your
heart starts to bleed
9
Everybody wants to be wanted
8
You don't have to tell the neighbors, a little silence ain't no sin
7
Kiss a little baby, give the world a smile
6 A heart
stained in anger grows weak and grows bitter
5
All the people who don't fit get the only fun they get from people puttin'
people down
4
Say hello in there, hello
3
How ya' gonna get sunshine peeking thru Venetian blinds don't you know all that
fear begins and ends the same place
2
I could have me a million more friends and all I'd have to lose is my point of
view
1
Life is a blessing, it's a delicatessen
YOU COULD BE A HARD-CORE JOHN PRINE FAN IF:
by the Peotic Prine Clan
10 Your dream car is a chartreuse 4 door Lincoln.
9 You hear someone say "OH BOY", and think of the record
company.
8 You don't need a walkman because you always have a Prine tune
playing in your head
7 You answer "How are you?" with "Pretty good, not
bad, I can't complain."
6 Every time a space shuttle takes off you hum "Space
Monkey."
5 Your cat's name is Jehosphat.
4 You know what Jesus did during the missing years.
3 You know what onomatopoeia means.
2 Souvenirs is not a thing you get at Niagara Falls.
1 You can't look a bowl of oatmeal in the eye.
<<back
MORE Top Ten signs you could be a hard-core John Prine fan if ...
by the Peotic Prine Clan
10
You get breathless when you see a half an enchilada
9 Instead of "bummer" you say, "It's a big old
goofy world"
8 You don't trust your lover around the Fuller brush man
7 Your best pick-up line is "C'mon on baby, spend the
night with me."
6 When you die, you want them to throw your brain in a
hurricane.
5 You blew up your TV and threw away your papers
4 You have rocks in your pocket and dirt in your shoes
3 You can talk dirty in Hawaiian
2 Your spouse has a flag decal on their forehead
1 You actually did think about sniffing undies...
THE PRINE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS:
by kathy47 & PMS*red
On a Prine day at Christmas, John sang to me about:
-12 O'clock havin' no fun
-A quarter past 11
-10 of them flags for free
-9 Monkey years
-8 Milking cows
-a day shift from 7-3
-the 6 O'clock news
-5 diamond rings
-4 Italian sausages
-the 3rd of July
-the kid with 2 first names
-1 Red Rose in the Bible
TOP REASONS JOHN PRINE SHOULD BE PRESIDENT:
by Old Hippie & PMS*red
15. Every day would be Christmas
14. Peaches in every pot
13. Everything would be cool
12. Dirty Hawaiian would be a required language
11. Junk mail would be illegal
10. "Smiles" would be legal
9. Great compromises
8. White house tables would have train tracks nailed to them
7. Dear Abby would be top advisor
6. He's level on the level
5. He'd forgive Willie's IRS bill
4. All veterans would be well taken care of
3. He's environmentally friendly
2. Touring on Air Force 1
1. Speeches would start with a great story and end with a song.
WHY I'M A JOHN PRINE FAN:
by Leonard Hogg aka "Old Hippie"
10. I don't like ABBA.
9. He writes funny songs.
8. Prine is easier to spell than Kristofferson.
7. He doesn't wear a hat.
6. His intros are longer than his songs.
5. Prine fans are all real cool.
4. He has the best web site in this big old
goofy world.
3. He's not overplayed on the radio.
2. He's also a great actor.
1. I like making people say "John
who?".
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